When my daughter was 13, after a period of horrific bullying an ostracising at her new school, she joined the LGBT club (I’d urged her to join some lunch clubs and this was the only club her bully did not follow her to). She spent weeks fretting about being the only straight girl there. We were just happy she was making friends. Within a couple of months, she announced she was non binary, changing her name and that the school said there was nothing we could do. There was no suggestion of a pronoun change at this stage.
We told the school we wanted to arrange for psychological support before any changes were initiated and were told we had no say as parents. The child psychologist who then assessed her advised “watchful waiting” and that the adults in her life should not affirm her gender identity. We informed the school and again were told we had no say.
The following school year, when she was 14, we discovered the school were now affirming her as a boy and using male pronouns. This was behind our back, and against clinical advice. We were again told we had no say and the Year Head actually documented that the school was going to ignore the clinical advice we had received and would be using male pronouns for her because they cared about her well-being.
The Year Head later put in writing: “We just saw a young person who had had many issues in the past and thought this may have been an answer for [our daughter]”
The “many issues” she had had were persistent bullying and ostracisation.
The school eventually reported us to social services, stating our Daughter was at the threshold for child protection and that “There is a concern about their wellbeing and/or safety in relation to how the child’s exploration of gender identity is being managed. ”
Social services agreed with the clinical advice we were given and said that in their view, the school was causing division. The school chose to ignore this.
We ended up withdrawing our daughter over our safeguarding concerns with the school. We were constantly undermined as parents and did not know what the school would say or do next. It was a horrific experience which I would not wish on any family.
We went through the full formal complaint process which took an entire academic year and the school were adamant they did no wrong (save possibly telling our son). It is my opinion that the school has done permanent damage to our daughter – it has certainly damaged our family.